Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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