He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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