i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i think i just lost a toe
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
