did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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