$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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