No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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