everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
