I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
