i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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