I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
