He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
