could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize