I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
