i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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