nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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