We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
