I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dignity is for republicans.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
