It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My vagina is very pro this idea
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
