my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it's like heaven, but drunker
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
