Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
