ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
