Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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