if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
