My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
