If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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