she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
