I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
