well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
