i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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