My brain says no but my pants say off.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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