So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
