Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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