Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
