Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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