i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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