Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
