So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
