i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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