Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
