well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
