I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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