These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
