i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
