just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
