so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
