whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
