He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Randomize
