Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
