your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
