Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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