Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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