he shaved USA in his pubs
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
