This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Pooping to opera.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
