I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
