# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
