K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
