I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
