If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
