I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
