I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm just crazy horny about you
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
