im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize