but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
