I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize