ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
