also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
