K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
