so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
