I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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