I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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