Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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