I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
