This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
