I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
