I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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