First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
