have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize