So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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