There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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