it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
