Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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